I’ve spent the past few days sulking about my brother being thoughtless, insensitive, and unemotional. And today when he left, I realized I’ve forgotten how similar we still are. I’ve forgotten that I was his sister and regardless of age gap or minor differences, we’ve still had our moments. I’ve forgotten how much he loves and how much I knew him. He hasn’t changed that much from the person I’ve come to know in the past. It’s just that sometimes when we leave, it hurts so much and we get scared to return and feel that pain again.
Before, I’ve always wondered why we create moments and build relationships when we know it’s just temporary and we’ll have to leave them again. Why do we allow ourselves to be so emotionally attached again and again, only to find ourselves in tears when we leave and remember those happy moments you’ve spent with them. There were times that I’d tell myself to stop…restrain from opening any door that may pave way for happy moments that will only result to pain later. To build emotional boundaries for self-preservation.
But life…love…it just doesn’t work that way. I guess, as typical humans and emotional beings, we need that…we need to break boundaries to open ourselves to possibilities…to thoughts and feelings. Or else what would be our reason to come back? What would we be looking forward to every single day when we’re apart? When families are apart, we are still tied by this invisible string built by memories of difficulties and laughter and I believe that as the years go by, those invisible ties will always find a way to pull us together.
I don’t pride myself for being emotional…it’s embarrassing…and it hurts. But this only goes to show how much I love…and there’s no shame in that. I repeat that in my head everytime I write this cheesy posts and as I reach for another roll of tissues.
I miss all my brothers, Mamay, Mommy, Daddy, and all the loved ones who are not with me…but I’ll stay strong and happy for the people I do have because those people who are not with me, they gave me enough moments to remember who I am as a person who loves…and as person who can wait forever.